Trying to Fit the Part

"You don't look like you have an eating disorder."  Probably the worst statement to make to someone who indeed actually has an eating disorder.  It's like telling an alcoholic, "you can have one, you're not really that bad." Someone like me would feed off of that kind of statement. (no pun intended) Anyways, I was told this by two different people.  Once before going into treatment and then once today. When I heard it months ago, feelings of embarrassment, shame, and disgust came over me.  I was set to go to treatment the next day and because of her comment I was ready to throw in the towel before I ever began. I am someone who is so influenced by what others think, that I was going to let that bother me enough to not go and get the help I so desperately needed.  Granted I have the same kind of distorted thoughts as a girl who is severely underweight, but it was only okay for her to get help because she looked the part.
If there was a group of people in a room, all of different backgrounds, occupations, gender, age, etc and I asked you to point out the alcoholic would you be able to?  The answer is NO! Unless the person is a fallen down drunk it is impossible to tell who is an alcoholic solely based by looking at them.  The same goes for someone with an eating disorder. Someone who is severely overweight or underweight can both suffer from an eating disorder.  The categories expand much farther than just starving yourself.  People can binge eat, binge and purge, over exercise, laxative abuse, diet pills, water pills, and the list goes on.  Although the types of eating disorders differ, the common strand among anyone who exhibits these behaviors are the thoughts that are associated with it.  Since being in treatment I have been given the tools to better handle "triggering" situations.  A trigger is when a situation arises that would cause a person to act out on a behavior.  For instance, today was a triggering situation.  I was told AGAIN that no one would ever know that I had an eating disorder.
However, this time I decided to laugh it off instead of letting ED get the best of me.  The lady that said it has no clue the damage her words could have done.  It's not her fault either, she doesn't have an eating disorder and probably thinks anorexia is the only kind of eating disorder there is.  Normally, I wouldn't have given it much thought, and would have immediately acted out only to be back at square one with the feeling of hopelessness.  Not this time though, I knew she didn't mean anything by it, and she's right I don't look like I have one. I will say it bothered me for a few minutes, but luckily I had my son with me to distract me.  As I was looking at his round belly, and chunky legs all I could think about was how beautiful and perfect he was.  I would never talk to him the way I used to talk to myself, and that is what I have to keep in mind when I am faced with irrational thoughts about myself.   I want to be a good example for my son and teach him to be strong and comfortable in his own skin, so by continuing to practice the skills I have been learning I know that is possible

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