I call you alcohol but you go by so many other names; life ruiner, crutch, downer, and death. As much as I loved you, and turned to you with the hope that you would make my life better, I was wrong. In fact, you did the opposite; you put me in places I never wanted to go, made me act foolishly on numerous occasions and had me contemplate the value of my life one too many times. I put all of my time and energy into keeping you a major part of my life and in return you left me hopeless and alone. I isolated from family and friends because they said you were no good for me, but I defended you and refused to believe they were right. You were nothing but selfish, greedy, and and a facade. My intentions were for you to make me happy and feel good about myself, and at first you did, but soon you turned me into a weak, selfish, lying, sneak. For years I kept taking you back, and at the beginning things were better. I felt a sense of relief, and you made my problems seem manageable. Once again I was wrong, the problems that seemed small snowballed, and the bigger they got the faster I wanted to run from them. You made think I was invincible, and on numerous occasions I put myself and others in harms way. In addition, the people I associated with when I would allow you back into my life treated me worse than you did, but I continue to let them do so. I put my faith and trust into you 100% and you just left me broken and alone. I know that this is the end of the road for us, I can't keep your toxic self a part of my life anymore. I have too much to lose including the people who actually care about me and my well being. All you ever wanted was to see me dead. It's a shame more people aren't aware of the destruction you cause when they welcome you into their life. There is so much wreckage and hurt that comes from you, and I pray they realize that sooner rather than later. I hope to never come in contact with you again, and good riddens.
Sincerely,
I am stronger than this
While in treatment they had us write good-bye letters to our DOC (drug of choice). It was such a surreal experience to say goodbye to something that was apart of my life for so long. It gave me a sense of closure and after reading it out loud I was really able to see the damage alcohol had done. Writing about my experience, strength, and hope has definitely helped in my road to recovery. I have never been good about sharing my thoughts to other people verbally, but when I am able to write about it, everything I am thinking is able to come out.
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