Challenge Meal

The whole concept sounds silly because when one thinks of food, the word "challenge" does not usually come to mind. I mean there is always the occasional food eating contest but in this case it's not exactly the same type of challenge.  The challenge that lies here is in eating a single serving of food that ED considers to be  "bad," under his strict guidelines of what is and is not acceptable to eat. ED is never silent when it's a challenge meal, and as I'm working on my snack, I notice some of the other girls are having a hard time quieting ED as well.  A typical conversation would be "if I eat this it shows I have no control and I'm going to get fat!" or "I'll eat this but I need to run 5 miles to burn off the calories!" Those are just a few examples of what ED would say during a challenge meal.  Now you're probably thinking that I sound crazy because I'm referring to ED as a person, but keep in mind that I have been dealing with my eating disorder for over 13 years so I have started to distinguish between what I think and what my eating disorder is telling me.  After 13 years I have found that an eating disorder is so much more than just the food. "Just eat." If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I would have been able to retire years ago and be living comfortably on my private yacht.  If only it was as simple as just eating.  When a person has an eating disorder it's the thoughts, behaviors, and need to control that makes this disease such a complex problem.  Yes, I am referring to my eating disorder as a disease because I did not ask for it and it's going to take a lot more than "just eating" to recover from it.  When a person has cancer or has been in a bad accident you don't tell them to just deal with it or get over it.  Instead you want to help and make them feel better because you are able to see the physical toll their disease is taking on their body.  An eating disorder is no different only the scars and bruises are on the inside.  Eating disorders, alcoholism, and addictions are considered mental health diseases.  Now I will say that our country as a whole has become more accepting to many controversy topics, but I hope that one day there will not be such a stigma when it comes to a person having a mental health issue.  For years no one knew how unhappy I was and how bad my alcoholism and eating disorder were.  That was mainly due to me thinking it was not an acceptable issue to get help for.  I thought I just had to deal with it or try my best to control it and function like everybody else.  How unfortunate it is that I wasted over a decade of my life trying to pretend that I was okay when I was far from that.    I am truly blessed to have gone into treatment because I have been able to learn the skills and tools to deal appropriately with my disease.  I really want to spread awareness to this matter because I know there are many people out there dealing with similar issues.  I want those people to know that they are not alone, nor do they have to face this battle alone.  

"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you."